Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Chris and I like to play bar trivia but we rarely do very well. It usually comes down to one round that is all about something neither of us knows anything about, like yoga poses or the television show Entourage. Every now and then we'll get a round about something most people don't know about, like the time we went from last place to second in one round about Irish literature. I whipped through that faster than Chris could even read the questions and the trivia guy announced to everybody that he'd never seen a team come back like that. Of course, all our progress was wiped out by the stupid Entourage round.

I've always wondered how there are some teams that get everything right. I suppose our weakness is that there are two of us and six of them, although back at Lou's we'd usually have three or four and we didn't do any better, except the time we came in second and had to split a $10 gift certificate among four people. I think because Lou's was Lou's and us was us they just gave us all beer anyway.

But what do the know everythings do to know everything? Do they watch endless episodes of Jeopardy! or read AP textbooks? Do they lay in bed at night memorizing the answers on the cards of Trivia Pursuit? I mean, it's one thing to be literate and to know culture and history, but to also know the only people to win two best video awards are Rihanna and whoever the guy was whom I'd never heard of? (At least most of us wrongly guessed Michael Jackson and Madonna. They are cultural icons.)

I can usually answer 80% of the questions myself, which is necessary because Chris isn't all that helpful sometimes. Like he'll know a song word for word but he can't tell you the title or the artist and that's what you need to answer. We're pretty good at the music rounds as long as you keep it pre-21st century. We can't stand most of the trite crap that passes for music these days. One of the trivia girls recently chided us for putting Katy Perry as the singer for Call Me Maybe. It's all the same crap, the same whiney chick who confuses screaming for singing. Children can be excused for liking garbage music, but grow up, adults.

I read the news and I can answer the current events questions but when it's pop culture hearsay Kardashian crap, I skip that. I continue to be floored that so many Americans can name all the Kardashians but they can't name a single justice on the Supreme Court, then come election time they bitch about politicians.  Free clue, folks: if you can't name all the SCOTUS justices you have zero right to complain about immigrants or weddings or anything American, really,which far too many of you do.

They gave us a sheet of yoga poses last night and told us to name them. Neither of us know or care anything about yoga but we had to fill in something. I thought one looked like a frog so I wrote "The frog" and then decided the theme would be animals, so I wrote in animal names for them all. The funny thing was that the theme was correct, and there was a frog, and I would have gotten some others right but I put snake instead of cobra and dolphin instead of fish and praying mantis instead of scorpion. What do I know? I thought I was completely making stuff up. The stupid thing is that I should have been thinking about animals in India and we would have gotten more correct.

But that's why it's called trivia. It's very trivial.

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