Belief Manifesto

I believe that a hotdog is a sandwich.

I believe that pineapple belongs on pizza, but chicken and arugula do not.

I believe that yellow mustard is an abomination and that the best mustard in the world comes from Luxembourg.

I believe that Lebanese food is the best, then Greek, then Italian, then Spanish, then Indian. Sorry, India, the Mediterranean is where it's at. Except you, Morocco. I never want to eat tajine again after three weeks of almost nothing but the stuff. Although the fish in Tangiers was great.

I believe that rotini is the best pasta and thin spaghetti is second, but there is no bad pasta shape.

I believe that it doesn't matter who technically invented pasta, because the Italians are the ones who perfected it.

I believe that we should buy local foods because the planet is on fire, and also because they taste better. 

I believe that many people think they don't like vegetables because they've only had the tasteless ones from mega grocery chains or frozen or canned ones.

I believe that four corporations shouldn't control 25% of the world's food supply and that food prices shouldn't be controlled by billionaires.

I believe that small farmers should have control over what they want to do with their seeds and how they want to use their equipment.

I believe that the future of agriculture is vertical hydroponic greenhouses because our current methods are unsustainable. The Dutch only have 0.22% of the world's population but are the second largest exporter of food in the world because of their sustainable agriculture practices like hydroponic greenhouses.

I believe that we should eat less meat, but we don't have to do away with it.

I believe that Dayton-style pizza is the best pizza and that Marion's trumps Cassano's.

I believe that "Detroit-style pizza" is whataboutmeism.

I believe that people can be tonguewashed like they can be brainwashed.

I believe that people who put ketchup on hotdogs are tonguewashed.

I believe that mega corporate restaurant chains are tonguewashing people first, then brainwashing them.

I believe that marketing is brainwashing.

I believe that marketing is propaganda.

I believe that marketing should be restricted, and marketing towards children should be banned.

I believe that religion is marketing, because marketing is propaganda and religion is propaganda.

I believe that propaganda is worse than a lie.

I believe that identity politics is propaganda.

I believe that identity politics is violence.

I believe that forcing your language preferences on others is also violence. 

I believe that pro-life propaganda wrecked this country, as it created a sizable demographic of single-issue voters who ignored every other problem and voted for the people creating or sustaining those problems.

I believe that the pro-life movement is immoral.

I believe that a fetus very well may be a soul, but it is not a life, and unless you're a deity, it's none of your  business.

I believe that human beings have souls, but only as part of a communion.

I believe that Hell is being left out of that communion.

I believe people choose Hell by denying that communion, and that the more religious one claims to be, the further away he is from that communion.

I believe that religious people are hypocrites.

I believe that the only worse people than hypocrites are cowards.

I believe that most people are cowards.

I believe that Pontius Pilate was the worst coward in history, fiction or not.

I believe that there was a Jesus Christ figure, a round table in England, a gay Sumerian king named Gilgamesh, and an elder council on Olympus as much as I don't believe in them.

I believe that The Grand Inquisitor chapter of The Brothers Karamazov is the greatest thing ever written about religion.

I believe in the zeitgeist, as it is part of the communion of souls.

I believe that sports are a necessary part of the zeitgeist, but that sports obsession is damaging to the world.

I believe that Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens should be in the Hall of Fame, but that Pete Rose should be in prison for pedophilia.

I believe that Johnny Bench would have hit 500 homers if it weren't for that lung surgery.

I believe that Josh Gibson died of a broken heart.

I believe that all football is good, but the best football is rugby.

I believe that there are too many golf courses in the world and that golf courses are destructive. I also like the PGA, and Rory and Rickie are my favorite golfers.

I believe that sports teams are public institutions that belong to the cities they play in.

I believe that Bob Castellini and John Fisher should #SellTheTeam.

I believe that billionaire owners are destroying sports. 

I believe that billionaires are destroying the world.

I believe that fascism is the worst politico-economic system, but after that, the only thing worse than communism is capitalism.

I believe that socialism is a natural end goal, not something you force on people.

I believe in peace and just war.

I believe that Ukraine is fighting a just war.

I believe that World War II was a just war.

I believe that Americans learned nothing from World War II.

I believe that military or alternative service should be compulsory (some jobs could fulfill the requirement) so that Americans have skin in the game and stop voting for politicians who fight wars for oil and minerals for the benefit of the wealthy.

I believe in beating swords into plowshares.

I believe that plowshares should belong to the people, not corporations.

I believe that proverbial swords shouldn't belong to anyone and that 2A gunnuts are psychopaths responsible for hundreds of thousands of murders. 

I believe that gun and energy obsessions are the source of nearly all the problems of the world.

I believe that utilities should be nationalized.

I believe that internet and mobile service are utilities.

I believe that public transportation is a human right and that cars and fossil fuels should be phased out because the planet is literally on fire. Electric cars are not the answer.

I believe that oversized pickup trucks and SUVs should be banned for non-commercial use, but in the absence of that, hitting a pedestrian or cyclist should carry the same penalties as a DUI. Same goes for people who use their phones while driving. I believe that they can be taxed out of existence.

I believe that a passport should be the primary form of ID, not a driver's license.

I believe that cars are selfish.

I believe that our country is experiencing a pandemic of selfishness.

I believe in politeness. Rudeness is not culture.

I believe that other cultures should be taught in schools.

I believe that Republicans don't want other cultures taught in our public schools because they view them as mere labor factories.

I believe that homeschooling is anti-social and indoctrinating and not the answer.

I believe that other languages should be taught from kindergarten on, starting with Spanish.

I believe that study abroad should be a requirement for getting a college degree because the America-centric worldview is why our housing and medical costs are the most expensive in the world and why Americans have to create Go Fund Me pages to get live-saving surgery and medicines.

I believe that language is the most dangerous weapon on the planet.

I believe that media literacy should be required in schools because media is used as propaganda. 

I believe that humanities should be emphasized over STEM. We stopped teaching the humanities and Americans lost their humanity.

I believe that people who have few books in their houses should be seen and not heard.

I believe that you should read genre fiction if you like, but also read literary works and non-pundit non-fiction.

I believe there is more truth in fiction than in non-fiction. 

I believe that music and art should be taught as classes equal to math or reading, not elective extras.

I believe that music is the language of the divine, because music is math and math is the universe.

I believe that no music belongs to one culture. Once a type of music is deemed off limits to someone, it ceases to be music and it becomes politics.

I believe that The Beatles are actually underrated and Paul is an underrated bassist.

I believe that Neil Peart tarnished his legacy by being in a shitty band.

I believe that Jason Isbell is awesome and Jason Aldean is an asshole. 

I believe that people hate Bono because deep down he reminds them of how much they could be doing for the world but aren't.

I believe that Robert Pollard deserved to play in stadiums.

I believe that corporations have ruined pop music.

I believe that SoundScan did more to divide this country than any politician has, as it told people what music to listen to based on their demographic. If you were white, they sold you country. If you were black, they sold you rap. Before then, you could hear Ray Charles and Willie Nelson on the same radio station.

I believe that today's popular music is marketing.

I believe that marketing is a spectacle.

I believe that spectacle is not art.

I believe that spectacle is attention-whoring and that attention-whoring is a cry for help.

I believe that social media influencers are anti-social attention-whores.

I believe that Americans are the loneliest people in the world.

I believe that ADHD, anxiety, depression, conspiracy theorism, and similar mental illnesses are symptoms of a diseased society and that taking medications for them are like putting a bandaid on an amputation. 

I believe that the suburbs are the virus that started this disease.

I believe that the suburbs destroyed the town square, eliminating the "third place" (home, work, and another place to regularly hang out and socialize,) pushing people to distance and solitude.

I believe that suburban sprawl is immoral. It was founded by racism, after all, and it created the car culture that is destroying the planet.

I believe that individuals are as responsible for climate change as corporations, because individuals are the ones buying the products from the corporations, keeping them in power.

I believe that doing nothing about climate change is both murder and suicide.

I believe that those who commit murder should be locked up forever, and that suicide is deliberately choosing to leave the communion of souls, thus making you non-existent for all of eternity.

I believe that suicides can be prevented if enough people have the will to prevent them.

I believe that murder can be prevented by the same condition.

I believe that the GOP is a fascist party with no desire to prevent murder and suicide.

I believe that GOP voters are murderers.

I believe that January 6th should be a national day of mourning.

I believe that traitors to the United States should rot in Gitmo.

I believe that the participants in the coup attempt are traitors. If I believed in capital punishment, I'd want them publicly executed. But I don't, so Gitmo it is.

I believe the MAGA King should spend the final days of his disgusting life in Gitmo.

I believe in forgiveness and will forgive MAGA voters and even the insurrectionists if they apologize for their gleeful cruelty, their wanton racism, and their moral turpitude.

I believe that apologies are redemption.

I believe that forgiveness is true freedom.