What I've learned and what I need to learn

The clock is ticking, and they've already posted my job for someone else to take - kind of weird considering I'm the only one who's ever had that job. I was the third one in our department, back when the Middle East division was tiny. It has since exploded into ten, and that doesn't count all of our field staff in Egypt, Jordan, and Iraq.

It's always weird when you leave a place. Even if you're miserable, it's tough to say goodbye. It just means another chapter of your life has closed, and that can only mean you're getting older.

I should be looking forward to new and exciting things, and well, I am, but I also know that I will miss DC. Even though I'll be returning again within the next few years, unless, of course, I go to New York or by some miracle can sustain myself over the long term in Europe, I still find a little despair in my heart at the thought of leaving. I really don't know why - I can't say I've actually had a great time here. I mean, sure, there have been a few good moments, but not enough to look back on and say, wow, I miss those days. Mostly it's been a constant struggle to just pay the rent, what with the high cost of living and low salaries they pay in the NGO world.

But that's not the point of writing. I am trying to look forward to the immediate future, the next three months at least, and trying to prepare myself for another world. All of the time I spent in Western Europe will be vastly different from the Eastern part of it, the part that lived through Ottoman and Soviet rule, the part where people don't live in excess and make do with what they have. It's going to be foreign to me, not like France or Germany or Ireland. I welcome it. I welcome the drastic change, the adventure, and the freedom.

I asked briefly - more like I wondered aloud - if there was a need for bicycle repair in the country, and the response was no, the people are self-reliant and don't have the disposable income for such things. It may come as a shock for me at first. The excess is what I have been wanting to escape, even as much as the drab confines of a fluorescent office. Even though I try not to live in excess, I have found myself getting lazier as I grow older and sometimes purchasing for convenience rather than necessity. For instance, I took a cab home a few days ago rather than riding the bus because I didn't want to wait the extra half hour - it was $12 I should have saved for my trip. Believe me, I'm not a spoiled brat, but I sure do have a lot compared to others in the world.

So I'm going to go out into the real world, the one less affected by Western materialism than what I am used to, the one in which more people than not reside, and live among people who are self-reliant. Maybe they can teach me something, because I sure have a lot to learn. I feel that it's a bit hypocritical, though, because I am able to just take off and go, whereas so many Bulgarians can't even afford to put brakes on their bikes.