U.S. Celebrates America's Largest Church in Texas
HOUSTON - America's largest church celebrated its move into the former arena for the Houston Rockets with a capacity crowd of 16,000, an upbeat sermon from its televangelist pastor and a spirited welcome from the governor of Texas... There were no vacant spots in the arena as Lakewood, which recently became the first church in the United States to average more than 30,000 worshippers weekly, held its first service there Saturday night. The service also was televised live.
The crowd roared when the three giant television screens showed a picture of Osama Bin Goldstein during the Two Minutes of Hate.
It took more than 15 months and $75 million to complete the renovations — which included adding five stories to make more room. No one questioned the expenditures, as helping the poor and being humble are not tenets of Christianity(TM).
"Heil Jesus!" the crowd chanted in submissive euphoria as the Emperor of Texas told the crowd, "As lawmakers we do a lot of things, but only the church can teach people to love." Members of the choir swayed happily, belting out several different songs below pictures of a crisp blue sky with puffy white clouds.
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